I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
