I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
