So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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