You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she told me i tasted like america
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
