I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was born a porn star she said
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
