i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
