Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
