he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
