If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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