Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
