let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
