no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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