Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
