Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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