I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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