i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i out mim tonsoeep
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