But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
