Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
