why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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