i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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