where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i out mim tonsoeep
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