when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
