Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
