We won't sleep together?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
