That's intense
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
