I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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