now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
