Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
