At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are we still banned from the library?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
