Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
