We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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