So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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