10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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