Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I intend to get homeless drunk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
