Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
