Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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