just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
