i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
