true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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