Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
