That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
