I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
