when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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