you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just forgot I was standing up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
