Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
