I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
