i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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