the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
