T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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