no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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